Some people call them goals. Some people call them dreams. I have always called it waiting. I waited to finish school. I waited to live in the same state as David. I waited to move back to the mountains. I am waiting for David to finish school. I am waiting until I feel like I will not totally botch the job of raising another, tiny human soul. I am still waiting until there is no waiting anymore…
I have spent my whole life looking ahead to the next corner, thinking that yes… after that corner… then I will… what? Travel? Relax? Live? Be?
Now that “some day” is upon me, I’m not sure what I was even waiting for. Life is not slower. Life is not less busy. I am grown up and am only just now realizing that commitments tend to expand to fill my life in the same way that clutter expands to fill my closets. Because of who I am, I think I just constantly added “corners” or accomplishments to the list, because they made me feel comfortable. I have always been most at ease when I had a plan.
But I think that it is time to blow the plan. Burn the list. Better yet, time to make a different list. One with places and people and food and experiences. Reykjavik, Salt Lake City, family, rock climbing, hiking a 14er.
The plans for this chocolate orange cake were inspired by Molly Yeh’s pistachio cake last year. That pistachio mascarpone filling??? Heaven-sent. I have been wanting to test this out for months, but I have been waiting . . . and waiting . . . until there was an occasion. Or until I have time.
So here is to burning the list. I made this chocolate orange cake with no purpose, when I did not have time, just because. And it was fabulous.